Sarah sat at her kitchen table, the familiar sounds of the house humming around her. The kids were in their rooms, her husband John was on a work call, and the silence pressed in. Her fingers idly traced the coffee cup in front of her as the familiar knot in her stomach tightened. It was a knot that had grown over the years, slowly, imperceptibly at first—until one day, it felt as though it was all she could feel. She loved John, she loved their life together, but something had shifted. Resentment had settled in, a quiet but persistent companion that clouded every interaction, every decision, every moment of stillness.

Sarah didn’t understand how she had arrived at this place. She had always been a doer, someone who kept things running smoothly. She managed the house, the kids, the emotional well-being of everyone around her. John worked long hours and brought home the paycheck, and she was grateful for that. But somewhere along the way, the scales had tipped. The endless stream of thankless tasks, the unspoken expectation that she would handle it all, the dismissive comments John made—“You don’t have to worry about bills, you’re lucky.”—it had all begun to weigh on her, suffocating the love they once shared.

The resentment had started small. At first, it was just a flicker of frustration when John failed to notice the work she put into making their lives easier. But over time, that flicker grew into a flame, and now, Sarah found herself standing at the edge, wondering if she could stay in this relationship. The thought terrified her. She didn’t want to leave John, but she couldn’t continue living this way—feeling invisible, unappreciated, and angry at him, and at herself, for not speaking up.

What Sarah didn’t realize was that this resentment wasn’t just about John’s behavior. It was also about her own shadow—the unconscious beliefs and patterns that had shaped how she showed up in the relationship. And until she understood those shadow parts of herself, she would continue to feel trapped, cycling through the same emotions without ever finding relief.

This is where shadow work comes in. Shadow work isn’t just about healing your relationship with others—it’s about healing the relationship you have with yourself. By uncovering the unconscious beliefs that drive your behaviors, your reactions, and your emotional pain, you begin to see the deeper dynamics at play. And in doing so, you gain the clarity and strength needed to transform not only your relationships but also your entire life.

What Is Resentment, and Why Does It Happen?

Resentment is often described as a slow burn. It doesn’t explode all at once; instead, it simmers beneath the surface, growing with every unspoken word, every unmet need, and every moment you feel unseen. In relationships, resentment typically arises when one partner feels like they’re carrying an unfair share of the emotional or physical labor, but their efforts go unnoticed or unappreciated.

For Sarah, resentment crept in because she felt like John didn’t value her contributions. She was doing everything—managing the household, caring for the children, keeping their life together—while John focused on his career. And yet, it seemed like her work didn’t count, simply because it wasn’t attached to a paycheck. The more she tried to do to prove her value, the more she felt resentful that John didn’t see how hard she was trying.

This dynamic is common in relationships where one partner feels overburdened and unappreciated. But what makes it worse is that often, neither partner is fully aware of the deeper, unconscious patterns that are driving this dynamic. This is where shadow work becomes so essential.

What Is Shadow Work, and How Can It Heal Relationship Resentment?

Shadow work is the process of bringing the unconscious parts of ourselves into conscious awareness. These are the parts of us that we’ve pushed aside, ignored, or denied—often because they were too painful to confront. But just because we aren’t aware of these parts doesn’t mean they aren’t influencing our lives. In fact, it’s often the shadow—the hidden fears, insecurities, and beliefs—that drives our behavior in relationships.

In Sarah’s case, her resentment wasn’t just about John’s behavior. It was also about her own shadow belief that she wasn’t valuable unless she was doing everything. This belief had been with her long before she met John, likely stemming from childhood experiences where she learned that love and approval were earned through overachievement and self-sacrifice. But because this belief was hidden in her shadow, she wasn’t consciously aware of it. All she knew was that no matter how much she did, she never felt like it was enough.

Through shadow work, Sarah could begin to uncover this belief and see how it had shaped her actions and emotions in her relationship. By bringing this belief into the light, she could start to challenge it and replace it with a healthier, more empowering belief—that she is valuable simply because she exists, not because of what she does for others.

Shadow work is the path to healing because it allows you to see the full picture, not just the surface-level issues. When you understand the unconscious patterns that are driving your resentment, you can begin to heal from a place of clarity and compassion.

How to Begin Shadow Work for Resentment: Practical Steps

1. Identify the Trigger:

Start by noticing the moments when you feel resentment rise within you. What is the situation? What are the thoughts running through your mind? Write them down.

2. Explore the Emotion:

Once you’ve identified a trigger, allow yourself to fully feel the resentment. Don’t push it away or try to rationalize it. Sit with the discomfort and notice where it shows up in your body.

3. Uncover the Shadow Belief:

Ask yourself: What unconscious belief might be fueling this emotion? For Sarah, it was the belief that she wasn’t valuable unless she was doing everything. Take some time to reflect on your own shadow belief, using journaling or meditation to explore what’s hidden beneath the surface.

4. Challenge the Belief:

Once you’ve identified the shadow belief, challenge it. Is it true? Where did it come from? How has it shaped your behavior in your relationships? This is a powerful step because it allows you to question the stories you’ve been telling yourself, and to begin rewriting them.

5. Create a New Narrative:

Replace the shadow belief with a new, empowering belief. For Sarah, this might be: “I am valuable simply because I am. My worth is not tied to how much I do for others.” Write this new belief down and repeat it to yourself whenever you feel resentment creeping in.

How Shadow Work Transforms Relationships

As Sarah began to do this shadow work, she started to notice shifts in her relationship with John. For the first time, she was able to communicate her needs without feeling guilty or ashamed. She stopped overcompensating for her perceived lack of value, and instead, started setting boundaries around what she could and couldn’t do.

John, too, began to shift. When Sarah stopped holding onto the unspoken resentment, it created space for real conversations about their relationship. John hadn’t realized the extent of Sarah’s frustration, and once he understood, they were able to work together to create a more balanced partnership. He began helping out more around the house, not because Sarah demanded it, but because he saw how much of the burden she had been carrying alone.

This is the power of shadow work in relationships. When you heal the unconscious beliefs that are driving your resentment, you create space for both partners to show up more fully, more authentically, and more compassionately. The relationship becomes a space of mutual support and understanding, rather than a battleground of unspoken needs and unmet expectations.

Looking Ahead: The Path to Personal Sovereignty and Spiritual Growth

Healing resentment is just the beginning. As you continue on your shadow work journey, you’ll begin to uncover other unconscious patterns that have shaped your life. You’ll start to see where you’ve given away your power, where you’ve sacrificed your own needs for the sake of others, and where you’ve allowed fear to hold you back.

The beauty of this work is that as you heal these patterns, you reclaim your personal sovereignty. You stop looking outside of yourself for validation, and instead, start living from a place of inner clarity and strength. You become the author of your own story, rather than a character in someone else’s.

In the coming posts, we’ll explore how shadow work can help you break free from survival mode, set boundaries, heal ancestral patterns, overcome self-sabotage, and transform your spiritual growth. Each of these topics builds on the foundation of shadow work, guiding you deeper into your own healing and expansion.

Final Thoughts: A Call to Begin Your Journey

If you’ve been feeling the weight of resentment, exhaustion, or disconnection in your relationships, know that there is a way forward. Shadow work offers you the tools to uncover the unconscious patterns that have been holding you back, and to heal them from a place of compassion and understanding. It’s not always easy, but it’s the most powerful work you can do to reclaim your life, your relationships, and your sense of self.

I invite you to begin this journey with me. Together, we’ll explore the depths of your shadow, uncover the beliefs that are keeping you stuck, and help you step into a life of clarity, balance, and spiritual growth.